I'm rapidly approaching the next phase of my life. At the end of August, I'll have finished all of my major requirements for university. I'll still be taking a few classes in the fall, but they'll all be electives and remote. Which means that in the fall, I'll be cruising through all my classes and have huge chunks of free time to occupy.
I'm worried with how I'm going to spend this time.
There are lots of things I've been hoping to do. The typical things that most 20-something year olds may want to do -- visit friends, spend time with loved ones, fitness goals, and so on. But also I feel the itch to work on my grander goals in life. That is, to spend lots of time reading, understanding, and writing about issues I care about -- particularly climate, policy, technology, and the intersection of those things. And also to work on my skills as a programmer, engineer, and computer scientist.
Part of me wants to relax. To take the well-deserved break I've earned over the past few years.
But part of me is hungry and wants to push myself even further now that my schedule is so open.
I feel like I've taken the middle ground far too often throughout my university years. Trying to find some elusive "work-life balance" that reconciles the two emotions.
I am coming to terms that I'm very bad at balance. I'm neurotic and obsessive and far too ambitious to live a "balanced life".
What does balance even mean, if not orchestrating your life in a way that makes you happy and fulfilled?
I know that to a lot of people I look like a workaholic. For a time, I found it hard to imagine that people found joy in late nights and looming deadlines.
But then I found a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche:
Man does not strive for happiness; only the Englishman does that.
I find meaning not in the quality of life I have, but in the ways I can serve other people. Good work, done well, that helps other people. That is my joy.
So what next? Lots of books. Lots of code. Some late nights. But joy, as long as I can be helpful to other people.